I'll get lost if you want me to

Life's been a little rough lately. Not really physically challenging, but emotionally so. It's not difficult to list out the reasons why and how all of them could be potentially preventable, but that just seems like filing a list of complaints with a company that doesn't care. You find yourself wondering what the point really is. So I will not once again find myself merely listing off things I don't like, because, to be honest, anyone can list out at least a hundred things they don't like. Instead, I shall find myself (once again) pondering what it is I can do to make those dislikes either go away, or at the very least, make themselves cower into a corner so there is room for the things I do like.

It's almost October and even though I enjoy the fall, the chill in the air makes me weary. I look forward to the leaves changing and wearing jackets and hats again, but those seem like small positives to an otherwise dreary outlook on the season. So the potential good in this upcoming season could be my job prospect that I was handed today. It's not for sure yet, but I have an interview in the morning that holds a promising contract job through the end of the year. And seeing as cash flow is all important these days, I will take what is given to me and graciously say thank you. I will gruel through office labor 40+ hours a week if it gives me the satisfaction that I am not sitting and wasting away elsewhere. Here's hoping that the next time I muster the energy to post, it will be as a gainfully employed citizen.

In other news, nothing has happened. I mean this to say...nothing has changed. My living arrangements are quickly coming to a shaky halt. I don't know if I'll be staying where I am or trying to find a place of my own or risking moving back in with my mother, but none of those are concrete or really what I would like, so I'm really trying to push off the inevitable until I can no longer ignore what needs to be done. Maybe the next time I post, this issue will also be resolved. I find that I rely on the kindness of others far too much, and maybe that means I really do just need to cut off all charity and suffer through poverty and potential misery for a while until things start looking up. It's upsetting to think about it that way, but I'm thinking this is just going to be the painful part of my growth as an adult in the coming months.

I do look forward to a lot of things from day to day. There are people that can brighten my mood just by walking through the door and thankfully I see them often enough to push off any bad moods that crop up here and there. This may change soon, but I am trying to look at the change in a positive manner. Maybe if I have to rely on myself for happiness and contentment, my independence will push me through.

In all, I really don't know how things are going to go. I may get a job, I may not. I may move, I may not. But it all leads to me growing up, and as much as I don't want to do that the way I'm being forced to, it'll all end well for me I'm sure. Time will tell.

Lost In You (Three Days Grace)

I Don't Care (Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontier)

Break (Breaking Benjamin)