Crawled out from the pain of yesterday

Really not in a good place right now in life. Sort of homeless, definitely jobless, and with both of those, still in debt. Not liking the outlook, but as I found out in a rather harsh manner, things can change very quickly and unexpectedly. The silver lining on life right now though, is that I at least have a job interview on Friday with QuikTrip and another potential job lined up at Commerce Bank downtown. That and I have good friends that are willing to put me up and take care of me for the time being, at least until I can get on my feet again. Looks like I might be staying with my mom though, for conveniences sake. But who knows? Maybe very quickly, life will go back to how I liked it and had it before. Just some normalcy would be nice. I hate roller coasters when they are made of emotions and decisions out of my control.

On another note, I've been thinking about "that spark" for the last few hours. You know, the one you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It's newness has you infatuated with everything about a person. You want to be with them and talk to them and hold them all the time and every hour feels like a million when you can't be together. I felt that, but not for too long. I mean, it's not like it went away completely, but it transformed into something else. Something...normal. Like, I was okay being away for 12 hours at a time, or the weekend. And I was okay not cuddling all the time or eating every meal together or getting along perfectly. I was okay with all of that; with not feeling that spark anymore, that newness. And I don't know if that's just how I felt or if that spark is supposed to stay there for a long time. I really can't figure it out. I just thought you felt it and then eventually, you didn't. But as long as there was still love and desire and all of that present, even in more subtle forms, things would work out.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't even know that. It's hard to feel lonely too. Like a part of me was left behind. And not just a small part, but a really big, important piece of life. Just left somewhere, alone, and waiting for me to find it again. It sucks. I don't know if that's how it feels to everyone, or if it's just me, but there you go. My spark made a flame, slow, but steady and bright. Trying to keep it lit just now.

Songs to consider:

Do You Like It (Our Lady Peace)

Alive...

With the glory of love?

Well, alive...but my life isn't quite like a song about The Holocaust.

Been a while (okay...almost 3 months, but still) so here I am...making you (all what, 2 of you?) aware that I am in fact, still around. And surprisingly, nothing much has changed from that last update til now. I still live in the same place, still lack employment, still have no future plans as we speak. All that aside, life is still pretty fantastic. Berto and I get into little tiffs sometimes, but they are usually silly and minor and combine that with my inability to stay irritated or remain in a difficult mood, and you've really only got a few minutes of bad juju.

Let me see. Hmm... I think about the only real exciting thing to note is that I'm still dating Berto. (I'm sure you got that from the previous mention, but repeating fun things is my way of bragging). We're about 10 days away from the 5 month mark and that makes me real happy. It was a strange transition into co-habitating on a permanent basis with the bf, but all of that has since settled.

Being unemployed like I am, I spend my days around the house being domestic. It's an odd occupation for someone such as myself, but I find that I actually enjoy the odd cleaning day here and there. Plus, I like taking care of people, so making sure the clothes are all cleaned and the dogs are taken care of and the house is in working order gives me a sense of accomplishment. That all being said, I still have plenty of time to sleep, read and generally lie about if that's what I feel like doing.

The first time I spent more than an afternoon away from home (which is what I consider my residence now) was this past weekend. A two and a half month stretch without so much as a night away. I don't think that's happened in a LONG time. I get too restless. Anyway, I passengered up to Michigan with the bff Stacy to collect the other bff Jacob from his summer internship. Needless to say, 25 hours in a car was tiring. Still though, nice to see friends for a change.

Mostly the summer parts minus being domestic have consisted of hanging with the bf and watching TV/movies, going out of the weekends to see movies, go to the bar or just generally have a good time with friends and going to my mom's house every Sunday for dinner. I find she complains a LOT less now that she can see my weekly. It's good for her.

In other news, August is looking to be pretty normal. No doctor's visits, no concerts, no travels that I'm aware of. I got two teeth pulled a couple of weeks ago (which wasn't pleasant) and next month, we're going to see Blink-182 (!) and TBS which I am very much excited about. I'm still trying to persuade the bf to get tickets to go see the Red Sox play too. I don't think it'll be too difficult; I just have to sit him down to purchase the tickets here soon. :)

Oh yeah, also...the month of July was crap. Well, it was generally okay, but I was sick for at least half of it. I think I had the flu for a while but that was preceded by at least two weeks of nausea (no, I am not with child) which would only mysteriously appear at about 3 pm every day. Then I had terrible headaches almost daily around midnight, which let me tell ya, isn't easy on anyone trying to get some sleep. But I've felt generally okay for the last couple of weeks, so I really don't have any complaints to voice at the moment.

For now, my days look like they will continue to be scheduled out peacefully. Up at 6:15 to make the bf's lunch, back to sleep (sometimes), let the dogs out at 11, lunch, laundry on Tuesdays and Fridays, general household chores in the afternoons and gettin' me some affection from 5:30 onward. That is, after food is consumed. People (including myself) get REALLY cranky in this house if they are not fed. It really is a tragedy.

At any rate, that's really about all I've got. Don't know if that was of any interest to anyone, but I'm really not here to please you. Take it or leave it.

Done!

Songs to consider:

Therapy (All Time Low)

Paper Moon (Our Lady Peace)