I invite you to a world where there is no such thing as time

Happy Holidays!

It's nearly Christmas now and things have been going pretty much the same around here. I've had little activity in my life aside from work, so there really hasn't been a reason for me to say much. I've got a lot coming up in the next few months though, so perhaps I will have more to say in the future.

Since I last posted, I've only done a couple of mildly interesting things. Firstly, I actually got to hang out with my roommate for once. One of the guys at work asked if I wanted to hang out one night and when we made plans, Aaron and Heather came over too and we all made a night of it. We ordered pizza and watched a movie and did the drinking thing. It was decent overall, but nothing special. The real fun will arrive in the form of the former Rolla crowd next week for New Year's festivities. The day after we had our little party fun, was my mom's birthday. She's the big 6-0 now. She doesn't seem 60 to me at all though, so it's weird to think she is. We made nachos and I painted her a picture frame and put a family pic from our recent Chiefs game in it. She took it to work to display. I passed out early that night, but I know she had a better birthday than last year when she had to work at 3 am because of the snow.

Aside from that, about the most exciting thing to happen this month was Christmas shopping. And that wasn't terribly exciting, truth be told. I got to pick out my big gift from my mom, but that ensures I got exactly what I wanted. We wrapped all the gifts and stuck them under my tree. So far, Patches has done little to destroy anything, so she's definitely in my good graces. I made Santa stockings for everyone (meaning my immediate family) and sent out holiday cards to some of my friends. It's the first time I've done that, and it felt nice, so I will probably do it again next year. Now I'm just patiently waiting for Saturday morning to roll around so I can put my gifts to good use.

I have work tonight, which isn't any fun, but at least it pays. Also, that huge weather system moving across the US is slated to hit in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, so my mom will have to work a long Christmas Eve shift. Not too thrilled about that, but as long as she's here on Christmas morning (unlike last year) things will be okay. I've also got to work Christmas night, which I really am not looking forward to, but at least the store will be closed, so it should at least be peaceful.

I finally bought my return ticket from Albuquerque too. I had the ticket out there for four months already, so it's good I have a way home now. Looking forward to that trip a lot too. That'll come quick after this big New Year's weekend coming up. Hopefully I'll be fully recovered and ready for some travel by then. For now though, I have been spending a lot of quality me time on the couch watching movies and enjoying the peace. Yesterday I started watching Dexter again, and finished it today. Started on season 2 as well. It's such a cheerful show for the holidays. :)

Well, I'm not sure I'll be back here to share before the new year is here, so until then...have a good Christmas (if you celebrate it) and a Happy New Year!

Songs to consider:

Her Name Is Alice (Shinedown)
Extreme (Valora)
  -----> I've been on an Alice In Wonderland kick for a while...

These streets will make you feel brand new

Wow, it's been a while since I've had the time (desire) to post an update about things. Truth be told, I've just been really busy, and thus, not up to sitting down and thinking enough to type something up for all of my (few) readers. See, I usually work three to four days (nights) a week, but at the beginning of November, the woman that works my off days broke her wrist really badly. And she's like, 70, so it didn't heal up very quick like, so I've been working 40-45 hours a week for the last six weeks. I don't mind it at all, but by the time I get around to getting home and settled, I just...don't want to do anything. You can tell that by looking at my apartment. I don't keep it as clean as I'd like, but really, as long as there isn't mold growing on the dirty dishes or an odd smell around the laundry basket, I think I'm doing pretty okay.

On a side note, I visited Rolla earlier on in November and was inducted into NRHH as an honorary member. It was unexpected and the video I got from my friends Jacob and Stacy made tears come to my eyes. I had a great time and it was pretty hilarious to get all of these, "It's about damn time" comments about being inducted. I even made some new friends from the younger generation. It's nice to know I'll always feel like I had an impact at school, even if it slowly fades as the years pass by. The memories last forever.

Oh, I actually managed to decorate for Christmas AFTER I hosted Thanksgiving dinner. I was pretty impressed with myself, but not some much so that I sound, you know... Anyway, my little sis also came over and helped me decorate last week. It was fun getting to hang out with her for a change. But I was so exhausted, I passed out watching a movie with her. I felt bad for not keeping her entertained, but she seemed quite content to text her friends and play games on the DS I gave her. Glad that worked out. Right now, I'm just trying to get through my days as calmly as possible. I mostly watch TV shows online, watch movies, listen to music (while occasionally singing and dancing around to it) and sleep (but not enough). I did get to go to a Chiefs game a few weeks ago. That was pretty awesome. I went with my mom and brother and we won! I hadn't been to a Chiefs game since Joe Montana was playing for KC (about 15, 16 years ago). I had a good time with the fam for that.

Now I'm looking forward to Christmas just around the corner (and my mom's birthday next week). Then it'll be a straight shot to Spring, I feel sure of that. Asher and Genny are coming into town for NYE and I am beyond excited for that. Then a few weeks later, I'm visiting my friend Joe in New Mexico for four days. A couple weeks later I'm supposed to go to STL to see a Blues game with my friend Durso. Sometime before April, I need to go back to Rolla for probably the last time before all of my friends leave, then before I know it, Aaron and Heather will be getting married and my niece Roslyn will be born! I have a very busy six months ahead of me. Adding to that, my mom and I are considering making a big move next summer. We're currently thinking Buffalo, but the final destination has yet to be determined.

It feels like so much is going to be happening in a really long sequence of events, and with work, it may feel like it flies by, but I really hope I have time to stop and enjoy myself along the way. I'm ready for some excitement in my life again!

Songs to consider:

Empire State of Mind (Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys as sung by the cast of Glee)

Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence

I really should stop talking to myself. The more I do it, the weirder I sound...and I'm not sure I want to feel weirder than I already know I am. One of these days, someone is going to notice that I'm not normal. I tend to say "dun dun dun" a lot and telling my cat she's cute. She talks back, but I really don't speak cat, so it's a one way conversation for her. I'm not crazy, I promise. I think...

Anyway...I made a new "mix tape" if you will. I get inspiration from my obsessions. Usually a movie or a TV show. Sometimes a book. This is time it's Veronica Mars. Yes, it's unhealthy, but hey, I have a knack for finding the right songs to fit the mood of something I'm thinking about a lot. It's pretty easy and the CD will last me at least two or three weeks in the car. Good times.

LoVe (you might get it if you think about it real hard...)

Post Blue (Placebo)
Sway (The Perishers)
I Never Wanted To (Saosin)
Chemistry of a Car Crash (Shiny Toy Guns)
I Don't Know (Starsailor)
The Way You Are (46 Bliss)
Breathe Me (Sia)
Bad Boy (Cascada)
Your Love Means Everything (Coldplay/Faultline)
Think Twice (Eve 6)
Bad Boyfriend (Garbage)
Nowhere Warm (Kate Havnevik)
Brown Eyes (Lady Gaga)
I Hear The Bells (Mike Doughty)
Long Time Coming (The Delays)
Consequence (The Notwist)
Never Too Late (Three Days Grace)
Momentary Thing (Something Happens)
Dakota (Stereophonics)

If you've ever seen the show, you might understand the list...but most likely, no one that reads my blog is familiar...so...just look them up if you're curious.

But for now, it's time for this curious critter to crawl into her hole and curl up for a long nap. And by that I mean...bed time!

It's in the water baby

What a blazingly dull month it's been. About the only exciting thing that's happened is that I...oh, what am I saying? Nothing exciting has happened. I've gone to work, I spent three weeks sick, I had to be disappointed twice by the Chiefs' failure to win and I still haven't managed to paint the rest of my room. I have done a few thorough cleanings of the apartment and just yesterday morning I biked 9.5 miles. It was only about 45 degrees outside, so it took a few miles for the burning in my lungs and muscles to stop, followed quickly by the numbing cold to set in. It was a pretty great ride though. Never have I had so many high school students look at me like I was a freak. Not even when I was IN high school.

In other news, I've managed to read two whole books in the last week and a half and start a couple others. Sometimes it's hard to sit still for so long though, so I have to go back to wandering about my apartment while I listen to music or cook. Though I have been watching Veronica Mars. I'd never seen an episode of it before, but hey, what's there to lose? I can't stop watching. Something about a neo-noir teen angst crime solving drama really pulls me in. I can't say it ever interested me when it was on TV...or that I'm even sure I knew about it when it was. I was just an eager young college student too busy to search for angsty television when I had enough in my life already. But now? Now I am just a homebody with nothing but a lifeless social calendar and plenty of imagination that needs repressing by the drama (real or not) of others. I would make a GREAT stay-at-home mom or housewife someday...

News on the home front is kind of interesting too. I got bored one night last week and started googling family members that I know little or nothing about. Turns out that one of my mother's half-brothers on her dad's side is a lying, cheating oil scam artist who recently spent six months in a California jail for fraud. His all too kind and loving younger brother paid his way back to the grand state of Texas where he promptly jumped parole and headed south of the border...or so he suspects. Can't say that's a shock. Everyone needs a sophisticated criminal in the family at some point in their lives. I think I've gotta say it's better than armed robbery or serial assault...though scamming people and beating up girlfriends doesn't really rank any higher. Oh, the life of a simple Midwestern girl.

In more, no news is okay news, my brother's ex is moving along nicely in her pregnancy. We're about 85% sure it's going to be the newest member of the special and somewhat socially defunct Seely clan, but we won't really know 'til the little tiger kicks his way screaming out of his only slightly promiscuous mother's womb come early April. If baby J (as I like to call him or her) looks like a skinny white kid with a really good tan...it's a good chance I'll be an aunt. But if little baby J looks ready to strap on a sombrero and shout "Ole!" then it's a good bet 85% is a failing grade. It would let my brother off the hook though...so we can't see it as all good or bad either way. If only, if only...some women could keep better track of their multiple partners...

Well, I'm off to spend another rousing few hours watching some streaming video while my (sure to soon reveal herself as an alien) cat gives me the stare down while alternately huffing on her kitty weed. With that, I bid you adieu.

Songs to consider:


Sway (The Perishers)
Post Blue (Placebo)
Think Twice (Eve 6)
Nowhere Warm (Kate Havnevik)

I'll do whatever it takes, even if it kills me

I have become a victim of my own one [wo]man dance party. While enthusiastically singing along to Ke$ha, I may have stabbed myself in the chin with a thumb, and subsequently left a bleeding wound...

'Tis okay though; it's all part of the game. Sometimes...you just gotta dance and sing. (This may or may not have been influenced by my recent induction into the "Gleek" community...at 4 'o clock this morning.)

This far the dance party has included:

Just A Dream by Nelly
The Only Exception by Paramore
Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine
Admit It!!! by Say Anything
Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack
Tik Tok by Ke$ha

It will continue, do not doubt. But I'm limited to songs I know...else I feel like a fool. I confirmed this with the Motion City Soundtrack song. I didn't know it, but I enjoyed butchering the lyrics nonetheless. I had to stop and tend to my fresh wound. I hope it's gone by the time I go back to work. I don't want to explain a thumbnail shaped scab to anyone by telling them that I attempted to take myself out while dancing around and singing loudly into a paper towel tube in my empty apartment. That would just be embarrassing...

Anyway...I don't know why in my right mind I decided Glee would not be interesting to me when I saw all the commercials for it over the last year. It has singing, dancing, more drama that I ever remember in high school and mean teachers that bring back horrifying memories of my own adolescence. It's perfect!

The soundtrack continues!

Stand Too Close by Motion City Soundtrack
Sweet And Low by Augustana
Radio by Saves The Day
Fire by Augustana

And on and on and on...

My feet have been on the floor, flat like an idle singer

Life's been pretty...much the same lately. No complaints, just nothing new. It is autumn now though. Which is nice. I do like the leaves changing colors and the fact that bugs slowly but surely go away for a goodly part of the year. Plus, I haven't had my A/C on for about a month now, which has been incredibly nice. I had four days off of work this week and since that's a lot more than I'm used to, I made out a list of things I wanted to do. And about all I did on it was clean. Which I suppose is a good thing. I mostly watched Bones and slept which was just nice. I need to finish painting my room and I need to get back on my bike, but mostly, I like to sleep. :)

In other news, I hate rude people. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but I really do hate them. It comes to mind easily when I've recently had a run-in with just such a person. Last night while working, I had a mom and her two teenaged kids come through the line. They were nice enough, mostly just indifferent. But then the woman wanted $30 change back from her debit card. This is all fine and such, but then she said she wanted it in quarters. Now, if it were the daytime, it would have been no problem at all to send her over to customer service. But it was after midnight and I am the only cashier at night. I told her I could give her $10 in quarters and the rest in cash, but that I couldn't give her all the quarters in my drawer. She then proceeds to start complaining about how I was the only one up there and that customer service should be open. I told her that all my drawers were counted and I couldn't take money out of them. So she asked to talk to my manager and said that "the manager will give me the quarters." I tried explaining that there would be nothing more they could do either. She wasn't relenting, so I looked around and saw our accounting person, who closes all the drawers at night counting her last drawer. I asked her if she had two rolls of quarters I could have, so she gave them to me, I gave them to the woman and then she said.... "I knew you were a liar" and walked away.

I could have punched her right then and there. There were so many problems with this woman, that I almost could not contain myself. I took the $20 bill from her and took it over the the accounting woman and told her that that customer was a bitch. Here are my observations:

1. It's after midnight. If you wanted a large amount of change, you should have a) gone to a bank or b) come to the store before the late hour in order to ensure customer service would be there to cater to your needs.

2. IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT!!! Did she expect five cashiers to choose from and a fully functioning service desk to be open just for her? Again, come before the middle of the night and you might have better luck.

3. Who the fuck needs $30 in quarters after midnight? It is entirely plausible that they were for laundry, but really, $30? You need to do laundry more frequently. Or they could have been for some slot machines. But the last I checked, you used tokens for those, right? Or is it a card with credits now? Who knows?

4. You are damn lucky the store is even open. A full-size, nearly fully functioning grocery store open just for you all night long. If we weren't open, you'd have to haul your ass over to Wal-Mart. Maybe that's where you should have gone in the first place.

5. You are even more lucky that I possess even a modicum of self-control, because calling me a liar when I was clearly not was uncalled for and extremely rude. I balled my hands up and walked away holding my breath.

6. Luckiest of all, the accounting person still had one drawer open. If she had been done counting, you would have been SOL. That doesn't make me a liar cause I got you the damned quarters, it makes you lucky that someone else happened to have access. Luck, not lies, was the solution.

After I went back to my register, it just so happened that a very nice woman was standing there waiting to buy wine and she and I chit-chatted about rude people and how I should just let it go and not let it stew. She worked with a lot of customers too, she said, and understood how it felt when people were rude and you couldn't do anything about it. By the time she left I was in a much better mood and every time a nicer looking person came through my line, I chatted them up and thanked them for not being rude. So the night wasn't a total bust.

Phew! I guess I had a lot more to say about that than I originally thought. It's okay though...I'm pretty sure that will be the most eventful thing this whole weekend. Or at least I hope to God it will be.

Songs to consider:

If It's Love (Train)

Nothing Important Happened Today, Part II

It's funny how we can't see how things are changing in our lives from one day to the next, but if we take a moment and look a little further back, one month, two...five, it can almost be shocking to see what it different for us. I read things that I wrote before and though some of my wariness and reckless abandon has subsided, I did at least have it half right. I said to myself in February that I would have what I deserved. I said it to myself with a sort of obsessive determination that might seem a little frightening to others. But I knew then what I know now, only I wasn't willing to admit it then as if to admit defeat. I will have what I deserve. In some ways I already do. But to the saddened mind, to see a world against you is to have a bias no one else can subdue. You have to let it die out. It might take weeks, months or even years, but eventually the flames of passion, however they may be directed, will fall back, become nothing more than embers, glowing coals. Then eventually nothing at all, charred and cold blackness.

I still have a fire burning in me, a passion waiting to be ignited, but I am steadfast in my knowledge that it may take some time before the fire burns hot again. My potential energy is waiting inside me, full of patience and understanding. I am happy. And though that happiness may not be outwardly apparent to others, I am far from sad. Far from feeling alone or lonely, far from desiring something new. I am finally at peace in a way. It's odd to remember how turbulent this year has been for me. It was very tough for a while, then things started to settle and now I'm kind of riding the wave, enjoying being on this plateau, waiting until it's time to take the next step. I talked about that before, about what change I wanted to initiate in the next year or so, and all of that still holds true. But I think it's important to know where I am now before I know where to go in the future. That's a big piece of this puzzling life that I am finally beginning to put together.

Something odd happened over this last month. I had this feeling that something was different with someone I no longer talk to. I have taken it upon myself to limit communication in the interest of disinterest, really. And I was surprised to find that I was correct in my intuition, and that the revelation did not bother me at all. In fact, it sort of settled things for me in a sense. Perhaps it was the feeling of knowing beforehand that made the discovery so mundane, but I don't think I'll ever really be able to explain it to myself. It's just what it is. And thankfully, I will mark this experience as a growing one. That I can fully accept an unpleasant or unwanted truth with grace and dignity and move on without incident.

That being said, there is a quote from my favorite movie that sort of spurred this dialogue (even though the title of this post is from an X-Files episode). It's from Life As A House, and this is how it goes:

"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant."

Really, today, nothing important did happen. But in the culmination of days since I last thought on this, a lot has changed, in me, in the world around me. I didn't even realize that I'd become something new until I remembered what I was like before. So it is the culmination of days and moments and events that make life important, even if each individual day holds nothing of particular importance to me.

Songs to consider:

Odd One (Sick Puppies)
Monster (Skillet)

all things

"Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?"

I just watched one of my favorite episodes of The X-Files. Every time I see it, it makes me think about how things are vs. how the could/should/would be if I had made different decisions for myself in this life. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel as if I'm in a bad place now, but I do wonder what things would have been like if a few things had been different. What would have become of me had I stayed in Oklahoma as a child? If I didn't skip a grade? If I went to college a year earlier or later. What if I graduated?

Who's to say I would be in any different place right now? I'll never know, but it is something I sometimes think about rather intensely. I see all of these things happening around me and I wonder, "When will it happen to me?" Friends marrying, having babies, moving on in their lives. It's as if the world is rotating and I am stationary. Do I need to do something to jump start my own path through life, or is waiting for things to happen when they should an acceptable alternative?

On a related note, I have started to think about my next big move. This is as much literal as it is figurative in that, come next July, things will be changing. I know for a fact that my roommate will not be my roommate for another year, that she will in all likelihood make a permanent home with her boyfriend who will undoubtedly be much closer to her husband at that time. I know that I don't think I'll wish to continue living here and doing what I'm doing for longer than the next year. And since these things will happen in a determined amount of time, I feel like it will be the right time to move on, change things while I have the chance. And with such foresight, the possibilities seem wide open.

So the literal move will happen then. And that's why I must decide now where it is I want to go in this next stage of my life. I always knew I didn't want to stay here, that I wouldn't be content in a life so set in stone, so perhaps the events of this entire last year all happened for this very reason. I took a hit and settled with what I had because it made me happy, but then it all changed and I was forced to find happiness on my own, or at least strive to continue the search. And with that, I see now that I was right all along, I don't belong here. I belong out there, doing whatever it is I was meant to do. I want to go back to school, I want to live somewhere new, but I also want to explore and see what's out there. I know there are things that tie me to a more mundane life and I know that those things will make these next steps harder to take, but I am hoping that with a little luck and a whole lot of determination, I'll make it to where ever I'm meant to be.

I am marking this point in time as a starting point for my journey to new places. It may seem like an odd time, but if not now, when? One year from now, on the eve of September 2011, I will be somewhere new, doing important things, making new goals for this life and living how I ought to have been living all along. Until then, the moments that pass will undoubtedly be difficult and sometimes hard to get past, but I will get there, and I will grow and learn along the way.

"I don't think you can know. I mean, how many different lives would we be leading if we made different choices. We... we don't know."

"What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to."

"And all the... choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and... we wouldn't be sitting here together. Well, that says a lot. That says a lot, a lot, a lot. That's probably more than we should be getting into at this late hour." 

Songs to consider:

The Sky Is Broken (Moby)

She's got both hands in her pocket

I have to admit, I am guilty of jumping around, playing the air guitar and singing obnoxiously loud to my stereo all the while lacking pants just now. Well, before I showered and made myself look presentable. It was quite the good time too.

I've been awake since about 4:45 yesterday afternoon and sleep does not look to be in my immediate future. Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Tori, this is a terrible idea, you should probably take a nap or something at least." Well, I say to you, I say, "I already tried." I had the potential to get 5 whole hours of sleep today, but those 5 hours came and went without much more than a few winks. I had a headache and that sort of rendered my attempts at laying still useless. I'll make it though I'm sure. Plenty of fun things to do and people to see to get me all the way to one, maybe two in the morning. On the plus side, I will probably crash hard and it'll be some pretty amazing sleep. Doesn't that sound pretty nice?

So, diligent readers, I am coming up on some months of financial hardship right about now. I've got bills coming due and the income to debt ratio is pretty much 1:1. And that's without frivolous things like food and whatnot. I know I'll squeeze by, but I hate having to literally live penny to penny. I've got it all (theoretically) worked out though. Since I never know how may hours I'll get at work a week, I have to just guesstimate on that and go from there. At least I know my bills, so that's a good starting point. I will have to subsist on what I have in the pantry for most of the next month or two, but once October hits, I'll be able to breathe a little more. And what's even better is that once December hits, I'll have an extra check and I'll be able to breathe a lot easier then. I even budgeted money out for Christmas gifts, my mother's birthday and my trip to New Mexico in January. I over-estimated on those to give myself a little room to work with, but it still works out for me being in the black by February. And by then, I can actually start saving. And my bills might go down a bit at that point too, so if I can just get through the rest of this year, I think it'll be smooth sailing. I find it ironic that all I wanted to do when I was a kid was grow up and now I just wish I was a kid and didn't have to worry about such things as affording food and toilet paper and cat litter after all my bills are paid. I now completely understand how my mom felt. And I don't even have kids! That must have sucked a lot more.

In other news, I just finished an 8 day stretch at work. I've done 7 days in a row before, but somehow, 8 just seems so much worse. I'm used to working three days on, one or two days off, three or four days on again. So, 8 days is really not in my realm of understanding. I capped off the long work week with a few weird, gross and fun things at work though. Firstly, I had to book it to work from Westport (that's not a huge distance, but still further than home is) and change into my work clothes. It was a truck night (meaning we get lots of new stuff to put on the shelves as opposed to trying to put up stuff we still have). The trucks have been pretty small lately, thank goodness, so that was what I was expecting. I have a particular talent for what we call, "The Back Forty." Basically it's toilet paper, paper towels, storage bags, trash bags, kleenex, plates, cups, bowls, cutlery, cat, dog and baby. Sounds like a lot because it is. I generally put up about 7-10 pallets worth of stuff to most other people's two. Admittedly, a box of toilet paper equals about 12 cases of canned vegetables volume-wise, but still! Anyway...I do this most truck nights and as such, that is where I was last night when lo and behold, five (yes, FIVE) friends walk in to say hi. Now, Aaron and Heather have come in several times before, but I'm always at the register and can't hug or chat or anything. Aaron, Heather, Ami (Aaron's sister), Genny and Asher all showed up. It was nice that they came to say hi after I left them in Westport. While we were chatting, a co-worker of mine who was being unusually sulky last night, ran me over with the pallet on a pallet jack. Not even once either. Twice! Rammed me in the ankle. Now that shit hurts, I'm tellin' ya. Sheesh.

My ankle is alright, just a big red scratch and a blossoming bruise, but otherwise unharmed. The rest of the night proceeded somewhat normally until I got to the canned cat food. I left it for last 'cause there was so much of it. The pallet smelled funny and I figured there was an open can somewhere that I'd have to dig out and throw away. There was an open can alright. And not only was it busted open and covering 5 other cans, it was rotten and covered in real live tiny maggots. And it would just be my luck to discover the maggots by TOUCHING THEM!!! Oh, my God. I was so grossed out. I immediately bathed my arms in germ-x and repeatedly forced myself to not convulse in a repulsed manner. SO GROSS!!!!! And what's worse is that it would have to be that way for a while before MAGGOTS were hatched on them. Sigh. There needs to be a better packing or inspection process so this does not happen again. I'm still grossed out. Aside from the maggots, the same co-worker than ran over me earlier in the night came over to help me with the cat food and all the while bitched about our boss, Dennis. The only thing I found hilarious really was that he says he calls our boss Denise. To his face. I laughed so hard. The rest of his ranting I generally agreed with, but it was just bitching and nothing funny or noteworthy, really.

Now I'm hungry. Supposedly, we will be going up to St. Joe here soon for the eating-ness, but I'm not sure when that'll be. Then tonight is the Royals game with my (now 5) fake cousins and my mom. That should be fun if I can stay awake. There's free catering too. Then we're hitting up the bars after the game and I will probably crash out as soon as I can convince them to leave. Like I said, one, maybe two in the morning, if I'm being optimistic. I think I'm gonna stop now though, cause I could keep going, but no one would ever read so much. :)

I'm sure I'll be back to update about the rest of my weekend after it's over. Monday or Tuesday maybe. Until then...

Songs to consider:

Alejandro (Lady GaGa)

I want so much to open your eyes 'cause I need you to look into mine

So yesterday, I went to church. It wasn't out of some feeling of obligation or sense that I needed any spiritual direction, it was mostly just the feeling that I wanted to see who was still there. This church is the church I've gone to since I was six years old, bar the last five or so years. I was surprised to see some of the older people (who I thought were pretty damn old when I was a kid) still there, alive and kicking. It was interesting having the looks of recognition dawn on people's faces as they looked at me. Shock for some, but mostly, everyone that knew me was happy I was there. That made me feel pretty good about going.

Now, I don't really do the church thing anymore. I did try for quite some time while I lived in Rolla, even going to several different churches for long stretches of time in an attempt to keep up with my faith. All I ended up doing though, was making myself feel guilty. I go to church to feel a connection to some unknown thing that somehow is supposed to make me feel as if life is worthwhile. But...I don't need something other to feel that way. So, really, all I got out of my participation was the feeling that I wasn't doing enough, that something more was always required of me. That just got to be too disheartening and eventually I realized that I was happiest just having confidence in my own personal convictions rather than relying on a system of other influences to keep me put together.

So anyway, I was sitting in church trying to listen to the sermon, but for some reason, this sort of blank buzzing noise would fill my ears and brain and I'd just start thinking of something else. I don't know if it was just a lack of interest in what was being said or that this has just been a habit of mine since childhood. I remember not having to sit through the sermon when I was younger and even when I did have to, I was always provided with some sort of entertainment to keep me preoccupied and therefore quiet. I'm beginning to think that if I was sat there and made to pay attention to what was being said, it would be a hell of lot easier paying attention now.

Don't get me wrong though, the sermon wasn't totally lost on me. When I did realize I was drifting off, I'd pull myself back to focus and listen for a few more minutes before that inevitable buzzing reappeared. The title of the sermon was, "Service is The Reward." It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me until toward the end though. I know it was based out of Luke and that the pastor said it felt to her more like something that would come out of the old testament rather than the new, but it didn't much interest me until the end. She started talking about this guy that is 101 years old. I thought that was pretty old, so I pulled myself back in for a listen. She said that when the man was a boy, he loved to play baseball. As he got older, he knew he wasn't any good at it and that when he was put in the game his teammates grumbled, but that it didn't deter him from his desire to play. When he was young man, a new team was starting up in Boston (or rather, a newer version of a team already around). He wanted very much to be a part of the team, but knew that playing was simply out of the question. He approached them with his request to help out in any way possible and they told him that he could be the bat boy. But it was strictly for their practices only and not during any real game. Glad for any part, he happily accepted the role. He served in this capacity for a few years, eventually moving on to go to law school and to have a family, occasionally returning to serve as the bat boy when time allowed. He never got any sort of compensation for this, but his love of the game made him grateful for his role. When he turn 100 years old, the team, now known at the Boston Red Sox, honored him as the longest serving bat boy in professional baseball history. They took him out on the field before a game and the whole stadium cheered for him. He said it was his dream that one day a crowd would greet him that way. Later, his daughter said that she had never seen him more proud of anything in his entire life (40 years of practicing law included).

So, in this way, I completely understood what the pastor was trying to say about the act of service being the reward in itself. Sometimes, it's the honor of doing something you love, without credit or reward, that makes the endeavor worthwhile. Now I know she was associating this with serving God and the church and others, but for a relatively non-religious person such as myself, it still had a fairly well thought-out message. I was impressed to say the least. So now I walk away from this experience thinking that though I do not have my heart in the church, sometimes listening to what the church has to say to you isn't in itself a bad idea. I find that a lot of practical applications arise from contexts that are intended to be religious in nature. In short, good lesson, complicated medium.

I know that I'll be going back to church now. It's not really for the feeling of needing it, but the feeling of wanting to understand the practical applications of religious lessons to a fairly non-religious life. Plus, I do enjoy seeing all the people that reminded me of parents and grandparents when I was a child. I might be all grown up now, but it's hard to feel that way when someone who has known you since you were a child still believes that you are, at least in the sense that you are so much younger than they. I felt pretty good about actually taking the time to go now, even if sleeping seemed like a much better idea at the time.

I think it's time to go back to watching The X-Files and taking a nap before it's time for dinner. I'm into the 5th season now and I mostly just like seeing what I forgot from the first time I watched the series all the way through.

Songs to consider:

Open Your Eyes (Snow Patrol)

I painted your room at midnight so I'd know yesterday was over

I have internet! It's been a long week and internet seems just the thing to take the stress out of life. Though now, instead of sleeping like I should be, I'm here...typing to you readers out there. More for myself, but still, I know at least one or two, maybe three people read this blog on purpose. The rest of you, well, if you like it, come back for a visit every now and again.

So the long week started last Thursday. I don't want to get into the details too much, but mostly it was a terrible weekend last weekend because of work. Thursday was long and strenuous and I got written up at work for "working too slowly." I don't really know how I could have worked any faster given the conditions, but though it bothers me, I do find some solace in knowing that I was at least working my ass off and not slacking. So though I feel the write up was undeserved, it did give me the motivation to officially write out my complaints to the store director. Seems that got some heads turning.

I also got chewed out Sunday morning for essentially doing my job, but not in the manner that a co-worker wanted it done. The cashier that took over for me was 40 minutes late, but I didn't mind because the rest of the night crew was still there working too. One of the guys (who is only sometimes partially in charge when our boss isn't there) told me to face when I was done. I do this all the time, so it's just a little annoying when I'm reminded to do something I was already planning on doing. But an assistant manager (who is in the hierarchy above my co-worker) asked me to do something when the other cashier arrived. She's pretty cool so I said I'd do it without a second thought. It took me about 10 minutes to do what she asked and I was headed back to my register to count it down when I got called by my co-worker to the aisle the crew was working in. I told him that I still needed to count my drawer and he just went off on me for not doing my job saying the other girl had been there for 15 minutes already and demanding that I go work in the aisle rather than finish my actual job. I tried to explain to him that a manager had asked me to do something for her but he wouldn't listen and told me to not talk back to him and that I wasn't the boss. What. An. Asshole. So I counted my drawer in tears (which is really hard to do, btw) and finished my work without another word. When I was done, I went to track down the manager to ask her to tell my co-worker that I was doing something for her and I wasn't just slacking off. Couldn't find her, but I found her boss and explained to him what happened. I didn't want to be accused of not doing my job. Again. So yeah, the whole weekend pretty much sucked.

So far, this weekend has been far better. Aside from another rude comment from the previously mentioned co-worker, the last two nights have been decent. I cleared away so much shit on Thursday, too. I was hauling ass. It was awesome. And yesterday was really quiet. Everyone else got to leave early. That was nice. So now I just work tonight and tomorrow, then I have a nice three day break in which to relax and do nothing. Maybe paint, but maybe not. It'll be good.

Guess I should nap or something now, but I probably won't get around to it. At least I have entertainment again! This makes me happy.

Songs to consider:

The Crow and the Butterfly (Shinedown)

Take what you need and be on your way

I honestly don't know what to do with myself when I have days off from work. It feels so nice that sometimes I forget that they are just days off and I actually am still employed. Oh, well. Work is work is work and I've got no real complaints. Sometimes it sucks, but mostly, it's just fine.

Anyway, today (finally) the oil, oil filter and air filter in my (my mom's) car has been changed. The oil change was about 30,000 miles overdue and the air filter was probably just as long overdue. I took a picture of the oil filter sitting next to one that was overdue itself. It gives you some sort of idea as to how badly it needed to be changed. I'd ever go so far as to call the oil sludge. Yeah, that bad.

The tire pressure in my tires is mostly evened out too, but the new tire I got last week is insanely loud and it has been suggested that I go back to NTB and ask them to look at it as it sounds pretty worrisome. Aaron thinks it's on the wrong side of the car, which it very well could be. I'm pretty not skilled in the world of car repair and maintenance, so I'll leave it to those more practiced than I.

Got my first energy bill today. $25 for one week. We need to bring that down, but luckily we only have about a month and a half left of the super hot weather. Hopefully it'll go down after. But that's about it for now. Headed out to eat some delicious mexican food now. If/when I have something new or interesting to report, you'll be the first to know! Or...at least the second or third or fourth...

Songs to consider:

Stop Crying Your Heart Out (Oasis)

Maybe this is what it's like when a tornado meets a volcano

What a night. I could definitely go without ever having another night like it. Firstly, I got to work (and it's already busy on Saturdays) and my drawer didn't have the right amount of money in it. The girl that's counting down the registers doesn't know what the hell she's doing. So I had to get more money before I could open. There was also a huge stack of bread racks blocking my stand. I swear almost every night I have to move shit to even open and it really annoys me that they know I have to work at 10 and yet, everything is a mess. Anyway, so I open and it's pretty much non-stop for three solid hours. But the truck of all our stuff was going to be 2.5 hours late. So EVERYONE got to go home but me. Well, and one other guy...who stood there and bitched at me cause he had to stay and help me. So that was nice.

At midnight every night our registers change over and I have to sign off about 4 minutes til to get my report printed and then I switch to another register for the rest of the night. There were a ton of people in line and the computers decided that instead of taking about three minutes to switch, they took maybe 8 to 9 minutes and I was so mad, but relieved that no one in my line was being impatient or angry. I was so busy that I didn't get anything else started til after 3. I then had the following things happen: cleaned up smashed blueberries all over the floor, spilled a fruit cup all over my pants and a register, lost a check and attempted to locate it by digging through a bag of diet coke soaked coupons and old blueberries, cut myself and got blood all over my pants, got yelled at for not having my drawers counted by the lady from accounting, and was asked to stay and help stock even after I had been at work for 9 hours. Luckily, once the manager that asked me to stay realized I didn't get to leave with the other stockers for two hours he said nevermind and I got to go home. Thank God!

Also, I had this horrible pain in my back that spasmed and hurt every time I breathed in. That was just a good cherry on top kinda thing.

BUT...good stuff happened too. I chatted with Joe til almost 4 am about his terrible cable service in New Mexico and let him rant about that. We also talked about me going to visit sometime in the winter. That should be fun. My customers are also pretty hilarious sometimes. I had two women come through my line both sitting on a motorized shopping cart. One girl was wedged down on the floor with her feet sticking up on the sides of the basket. They asked if I would take a picture of them and then they sent it to me on my phone. I posted it on twitter. They were really nice and funny too. The girl who sent me the pic was named Brody (Brodie, maybe?) and the other girl was Katie. They seem like they would be cool friends to have. Hopefully they come back through my line sometime soon.

So now I'm at my mom's house eating biscuits and gravy after having fixed her internet (the browser had the wrong proxy server settings). Seems about time to go back home and sleep the day away. I'm definitely looking forward to it. Still not sure when I'm getting internet, so I'll be back on when I have something to say and the time and a good place to say it. Til then...

Songs to consider:

Love The Way You Lie (Eminem feat. Rihanna)

A simple girl from simple means

I don't have interwebs yet, so I have been a little out of the loop since Tuesday. I had nearly 700 unread posts on my Google reader feed today. I feel like I have no idea what's going on in the world. Anyway...guess it'll be nice to say that I am finally in my apartment and I have somehow managed to get ALL of my stuff moved in AND put away already. I can't say so much for the rest of the apartment, but my room and bathroom are good to go. It's been pretty nice these last few days. Sleep has been choppy and the place has been quiet since I haven't seen a lot of my roommate, but it's all been good.

I went back to work last night after three days off in a row. It felt like so long that it might have been a vacation. It wasn't so bad getting back into the swing of things, but I had to deal with a couple of rude co-workers and that is just not how I wanted my night to start off. It got better though and sometimes, the fun customers I get in the middle of the night make it all worth it. I get some pretty funny people in between about 3 and 6 in the morning and since it's slow, I get a chance to chat with them most of the time. It's really nice getting to know the regulars. Though...some of them are just weird/rude/gross and I'd rather them not visit on my shifts, but I'm tactful and patient (luckily) so it all works out.

I had an idea for a book, or maybe a movie script. But a story in any form is still just a story. So...the story goes as thus: six best friends spend the weekend together. Four of the six comprise two couples and the other two are close, but aren't in a relationship at all. But the weekend they all stay together, the two friends end up sleeping together and several weeks later, the girl finds out she's pregnant. She tells the other two girls in the group and they both reveal they are pregnant too (unlikely, but go with me here!). So the story is pretty much about how these three sets of soon-to-be parents deal with what's changing their lives while trying to work out how to deal with each other too. One couple is well established and settled, but still not ready for parenthood, another is in a long distance relationship (the guy is in the army) and they haven't been together for very long, so they are trying to figure out how things will work in a new relationship with the distance and a new baby. Then the two other friends are the most complicated of all seeing as they weren't even dating or together to begin with. They too live some distance away and the girl, while nervous about parenthood, takes an optimistic outlook on the situation, while the guy freaks out and pulls away while fighting the guilt about not being there for his friend in a situation he helped create. In the end (of course) things fall into place like they should, and though life can sometimes be difficult, the six friends come together and raise their children as some sort of off beat family unit. It's kind of a feel good, coming of age as an adult story. I see it more as a movie than a book which is why I think it could be written easily as a screenplay.

Okay...that was involved, but I think it would be really fun to write it out. At least as a short story with the intention of becoming a screenplay. I don't know, I guess I have babies on the mind since so many of my friends seem to be having them while I still feel like I'm not grown up enough yet. It's a strange transition phase, but maybe writing this out will help put my thoughts in order and give me some perspective.

I guess that's it for now. I should be getting internet in another week or two, so I don't know if I'll post again soon. Maybe I'll have written an outline for this story by then. I'm feeling motivated.

Songs to consider:

Chop and Change (The Black Keys)

"I love you" never felt like any blessing

It would seem that I have upset the karmic balance of my life in some way. In a big sort of way.

So...as any one that has read anything from the last month or two knows, I'm moving. Today. Or... I was. Maybe. Well, let's just say, I had it all planned out to move today. I got off work at six, drove home, changed clothes and started the process of packing all my stuff up in the car. It didn't take long and my mother got up to help. Then we sat and ate toaster waffles and rested a bit. I thought it would be a good idea to grab some basics at Wal-Mart before going to sort things out at the leasing office. So we did that, and as we were leaving the store, the back tire on my car started to sound funny. I figured it was low on air, so we went ahead and took down the highway to the exit my apartment is on and stopped at the QuikTrip there. Come to find out, the tire is not simply flat, but blown. There's a huge gash and the fibers are all sticking out. To make this better, it had started to burn, so everything smelled bad, and...it was raining. Awesome. I originally stopped for air, but the air machine was broken, so I (eventually and with much force and frustration) loosened the tire bolts and got the tire changed. Mind you, all the stuff I had in the car was sitting on the concrete in the rain while I fished out the spare. BUT...everything eventually worked out and I finally got on my way to the leasing office. I was wet and filthy and tired, but at least I was almost there.

Part 2: So I get to the office and, as I have no idea how to do anything pertaining to signing the lease and getting the keys, I end up just being told that I have to have my roommate and her boyfriend (who is also going to be on the lease) there to sign the lease and pay the rent before either of us can get keys. One, both of them are at work, one in Blue Springs, on it St. Joseph. Both of those places are not close to where the apartment is. Two, neither thought to take the day off or go in late so that the lease could be signed, even though I was saying over and over to them that I was planning on getting all my stuff in during the morning so I could sleep after. But no, no one thought this through, so now I have a car full of stuff and no way to even get a key to my apartment for the foreseeable future. To make things even better, both the others work over the same hours the leasing office is open. So if they don't go to work late or leave early, I can't even move until the weekend. And that was exactly what I didn't want to do because I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Sigh.

I had also scheduled to go pick up the furniture that's being given to me at 11...which, right now, is an hour away. Not going to happen. So, in all, I'm back at my mom's house, shit still in my car and not sure when I will even get a key to my apartment. It could be this afternoon, could be tomorrow, could be on the weekend. At any rate, it's been a supremely shitty morning already and it's only 10.

Whatever gods that I may have pissed off, fuck you. That's right. I'm tired of bullshit happening to me that's completely out of my control. Now the rest of my week is looking shot and all I want to do is sleep.

Now that's said, so I can take a deep breath, stick in a movie and relax as much as possible until I figure out what's going on. I guess there's no rush on things, so I can take a nap (I already showered) and just wait for things to fall back into place. Trying to be optimistic. Trying.

Good things that happened this morning:

1. I had waffles for breakfast.
2. I changed a flat tire all by myself.
3. I now know the back way from my new place to my mom's place.
4. I have showered.
5. I can nap all day if I please.
6. I can finally finish reading my book.
7. Movies!

Songs to consider:

Fame (What She's Wanting) (SR-71)
Heavy In Your Arms (Florence + The Machine)

I've been thinking 'bout somethin' other than you

T-minus three days and counting before the big move! I still can't believe it. It'll be great to have all that space and all my stuff back and it's just beyond exciting. I'm sure that's not how I'll feel once I fork over the rent check and all that, but who cares?! I'm just excited!

I'm also learning that I kind of like payday. And I know the obvious reason is because there's money on that day, but mostly I like running errands. It's a weird thing to like, but it makes me feel all important and grown-up, even though most of the time I still feel like a kid. But yesterday, it was especially fun because all my errands had to do with moving into the apartment. First, I called my bank. I obviously hadn't bothered in a while because they still had my old phone number (that I changed last September). I needed new checks so I could get my paychecks deposited into my account. But checks cost money, which I didn't have in my account. So I arranged to mail a money order to be deposited in my account so the clerk could send me new checks with my new address and phone number. Talk about complicated.

So I get off the phone, go to the store, cash my check, then...buy a money order, find an envelope and mail it out. So that was taken care of. Then I got a few things at the store before I ran off to the leasing office. We want to paint our apartment so we have to get our color choices approved. So I got that done, gave them my electrical confirmation number and off I went. Next stop: Wal-Mart. We needed cat food and litter and I figured it was cheaper to get paint supplies (not paint) from there too. After I got that all done I stopped off at The Home Depot to see if they had any comparable prices to the ones I got from Lowe's already. Everything was basically the same, so I just scuttled off back to Lowe's again and bought the paint for my bedroom and bathroom.

My bedroom is going to be a light blue with a slightly darker blue accent wall, and my bathroom is going to be a light-ish purple. Nothing pastel by any means, but light enough to not make the room feel dark, but still give it a lot of color. Heather also decided she wanted the living room to be green, so I picked up some samples of those colors too. I think it'll look good. :)

I stopped at CVS, but I was pretty much tuckered out by that time (noon), so I went home with the intention of sleep. But sleep I did not. As is always the case with me. Like now, when I was tired hours ago and instead I'm up typing this nonsense.

ANYWAY... I also started watching True Blood. My moms friends daughter sent it to her and she said it was too racy to watch. So of course she gave it to me. It's definitely racy...to put it lightly. It's like, deep south vampire porn with a healthy helping of violence. It's okay though, I already watched Californication, Six Feet Under and Weeds, so I was prepared for the violence, language and gratuitous sex and nudity. I can't say it's my favorite show ever, but it's interesting enough to keep watching it. I feel like I should watch it with the volume turned down, else people will start to think I really am watching porn. Reminds of when I used to watch Californication at work when I went to school. I used to have to mute it so people wouldn't hear the sex noises. :-P

Okay, I really am going to try and sleep now. Who knows what the heck kind of dreams I'll have though...

Hope everyone has a good Fourth! Be safe!

Songs to consider:

Thinking 'Bout Somethin' (Hanson)
Life On Earth (Band of Horses)

I'm a space bound rocketship and your heart's the moon

I got my apartment!!!

I move next Tuesday (soon!) and I'll finally have a bed of my very own. And it'll even be in a bedroom with a door and everything. A plus is that I'll have my own bathroom. I won (wasn't much of a competition) the right to the private bathroom 'cause I'll need to put the litter box in there and Gertie (Heather's pug) likes to eat cat poo, so...we don't want any of that happening.

Anyway... I'm excited to be moving out and for reals being on my own. I only ever lived "on my own" for one summer, and every other time of my life I've lived in a residence hall or at home or with someone at someone else's home. It'll be nice to be able to have what I want in the fridge, use the kind of laundry detergent and toilet paper I like and so forth. It's the little things, really. It'll be a huge task to get all moved in and set up, but I'm still looking forward to it happening. I'll be living on the ground floor, which is really mostly in the ground. It'll be nice to be in the ground 'cause it will be cooler and such. I know some people don't like the ground floor, but I'll have a real patio and a fence with a gate that opens up onto a huge lawn. I want to have a BBQ or something where we can have people come over and hang out outside. I'm also looking forward to getting all my stuff out of boxes. I haven't unpacked most of my stuff since last May and it'll be nice to have all of my movies and book and knickknacks out. Plus, my posters will be a nice change of scenery.

I'm getting some new-to-me furniture too. I'll be getting a dresser and chest of drawers that match a nightstand. Plus a bookcase, which I'm looking forward to the most. I have a lot of books and DVDs that need somewhere to sit. The bad news is that they are coming from my mom's ex-husband. He is still in the hospital after having a stroke and now he's got pneumonia. Add that on top of the HIV he's had for the better part of the last 20 years, and it's just not looking good for him. I'm not sure if they think he's going to die soon or if they just think he won't ever be well enough to live on his own again. Either way, it's pretty sad.

Oh! And last weekend was pretty awesome. We didn't go out and party the night I was off work, but we were all pretty tired, so it was okay. The Royals beat the Cards, so that was a good time. We pretty much just hung out and had fun. Slept a lot too. I mean, like, a lot. It was so nice. My air mattress is still at Aaron's, but there's not really a rush to get it back, so it's cool. I ate at A Street Car Named Desire with Genny at Crown Center (for anyone who knows KC) and that was pretty good too. We mostly just caught up since we hadn't hung out for more than a year.

Well, I'm tired, so this is it for now. I worked 44 hours last week (and still managed my weekend of fun) and now I finally have two days off in a row. I came home and cleaned for almost three hours today too. The place was a mess and no one else seemed interested in doing anything. So now the dishes are done, the floors are mopped/vacuumed, the counters are clean, the trash is taken out, the litter boxes changed and the rest of the place generally straightened. I even finished my laundry and did some packing. I don't have a lot here, so it didn't take long. Point is, I'm exhausted. So I'm gonna sleep now. :)

Songs to consider:

Space Bound (Eminem)
Almost Famous (Eminem)

I thought I was lost in the city, it was just your eyes

What a night! I think that may have been the longest night of work...ever. It wasn't the longest I'd been at work, but it felt the most exhausting. I thought it was a full moon. All the crazies were out in force. I was cashiering (which is not what I normally do on weekdays, but the normal cashier was out) and that in itself was just demanding. There are generally fewer people during the week, but they come at such an inconsistent pace, that it's hard to get anything done. To top that off, we had four people. We were supposed to have six. The normal cashier had all her teeth pulled (sucks for her) and the older guy called in "sick" but the boss suspects it's just 'cause he didn't have a ride. So we only did about half the work we normally do and still got out half an hour late. Plus, we had a big two day sale start and of course nothing was in the system yet so it was a complete nightmare when I had to adjust the pricing for EVERYTHING. Sigh.

Anyway, enough about work. I'm working hard on getting our new-to-us cat from hiding out all day under the bed. My mom's ex-husband (the one before my dad) had some sort of stroke or something and I guess he's being moved into a nursing home, so he couldn't keep his cat. Her name is Lucy and she's very loving, but super shy. I'm working on her.

I'm so excited about tomorrow. With Genny coming and me not working on a Friday night, it just has to be amazing. First, the baseball game, then the going out, it'll be awesome. I don't foresee a whole lot of sleeping going on. I sort of day-dreamed about it yesterday as I was falling asleep and I think it turned into a dream after that. It was pretty vivid and it would be great it something happened similar to the dream. I  started thinking what I might wear (since it's hot, jeans are seriously debatable). Then I imagined me and the others (Aaron, Heather and Genny) at a bar. I was up ordering drinks when a cute guy comes up and asks if I mind if he squeezes in next to me to order drinks for his buddies too. I say sure and while we're waiting for the bartender, we start talking. His name was Will and he was British (I told you it was vivid). We got to talking and I told him who I was with and he told me about his friends (two guys and a girl (but not a pizza place), one guy and the girl were dating and the other guy had a girlfriend that wasn't there). Will was single. It was oddly similar to my situation, except it was three girls and one guy. I mentioned that Genny's boyfriend was in Iraq and he got all excited and said that my friends and I should join him and his friends at their table and we would have a drink in honor of Asher (the friend in Iraq).

So we all join up and have a good old time and when it was time to leave, Aaron invited the others over to his house for an after-party party and they all agreed. So we all went and hung out and Will (who is completely made up in my head...as he's just a dream) and I hit it off and start to talking more. We decide to go for a walk around Aaron's neighborhood and while I'm off talking to Heather about how I like him, Aaron gives Will a "talking-to" about being nice to me. I woke up and thought that was hilarious. So we go off on a walk and it gets a little fuzzy after that, but I think it ended with us kissing. There is some vague feeling that I dreamed about the morning after and how we all had breakfast or something, but I'm not sure anymore.

I love my dreams sometimes. How awesome would it be if even a little of that dream came true? I could use a good time and I could definitely do with meeting an awesome (and not creepy) guy like him. But, you know how dreams go...always better than reality (or worse if it's a nightmare). I'm going to be optimistic though. I can't wait, I absolutely can not wait. :)

I told myself I'd sleep more today, so I'm gonna try and do that here soon. Details (and maybe a pic or two) about how tomorrow (and the weekend in general) turns out will probably come in a few days. It just depends on how much (or how little) sleep I get before the weekend is officially over.

Songs to consider:

Kids In Love (Red Car Wire)
Revenge On The Radio (Danger Is My Middle Name)

The darkness is disrupted by a whisper; softer than a breeze and oh so tender

I made a discovery today. Nothing terribly remarkable, but something that made me feel very odd. I pulled an old Toll House cookie tin from underneath my mother's bed earlier and popped it open to see if there was anything inside. There was. In a very cliche fashion, it was stuffed full of old letters my mom had received from various family members between mid-Spring and late fall of 1990. The ones from April to August were from my dad. The first was a note he left for my mom explaining that he had to leave and apologizing for doing so. I'm guessing he didn't tell anyone he was leaving from the sound of the note. I don't remember of course (I wasn't yet four), but I assume it was a pretty upsetting time for the family in general. The first actual letter was post-marked April 23rd from Bozeman, Montana. Looks like my dad went on an 80 hour bus trip through Colorado, Utah, Idaho and Montana before ending up in West Yellowstone. Not sure how he made it from there to Kansas City, but the next letters aren't until June and they are all pretty much the same: apologies, regret for leaving his family, promises to get his act together, hopes for being a family again, etc.

It makes me almost hate him a little less. Almost. Those sure are a lot of promises I don't ever remember being fulfilled. The series of letters from him goes into the middle of August when he talks about renting a house (the one I remember moving into when I was a kid) and that was that. Guess he got his way and we all moved up to KC from Oklahoma for good. The way he talks about never going back seems a little empty now that he's basically been forced to move there indefinitely.

The other letters are mostly from my grandmother (dad's mom) and my aunt (dad's sister). I just now remembered that my grandma would write us letters when we were kids (they seem so old-fashioned now). Most have to do with us settling in and going to school and church. My aunt wrote of wanting to move up to KC too. She lived in Texas for a few of the letters, but I guess moved back to my hometown for the months preceding her (with my uncle) ultimate move to KC. I remember them living with us while I was in kindergarten, but don't really remember the exact dates.

All the letters though, seem so depressing. Even though everyone expresses hope for things, the bottom line in all of the correspondence was a little...desolate. No one had money, work was hard to come by and ultimately, trying to live together as a family was probably more trouble than just coping with being alone. Not a whole lot of hope for wanting to start a family myself, but I have very distinct memories of knowing things would never stay bad, so it doesn't deter me too much.

Like I said, it was weird to read the letters, and I only wish I could read my mother's responses. I'm sure no one saved her letters like she saved theirs, but I guess my mom is a little bit sentimental and a little bit of a pack rat. My only hope is that she doesn't cling to those letters as examples of how empty words and promises can be. I hope she knows that things worked out for the best and the best isn't always what we want it to be. That's my hope there.

Songs to consider:

Goodbye Skyline (Danger Is My Middle Name)

I say "jump" and you start jumpin'

I've got two songs stuck in my head. Both got posted yesterday. I'm listening to one of them right now, sitting in the dark and listening to the rain storm outside. It's pretty relaxing, except the lyrics are a bit...sad. The song's called Letdown, and though I can't relate to the lyrics in their literal sense, there's probably a roundabout way I could have them apply to me. But I don't really care enough to try, as I'm not really wanting to be depressing right now. So it's all good!

Anyway, I am trying to think in small steps. Once, hopefully, Heather and I get our apartment approved, I can start planning my big move. No fun that it'll be in the middle of the summer, but I'm just so excited to be moving that it could snow ten feet and I would not be deterred. Maybe a little, but you get what I'm trying to say. So the small steps. This week, I just want to get through work, hang out with my sister and get to the 25th in one piece. My part time job is giving me a lot of hours that make me more than full time at the moment, but with the move, I'm not going to complain. Some extra money to buy food and cleaning supplies and all that jazz is just a good idea no matter who you are or how big your move is. So I work tonight, Sunday night, Monday night, Wednesday and Friday through Saturday again. So that'll be 40+ hours this week (I worked an extra 45 minutes this morning cause the girl coming in after me overslept) and 40+ hours next week. What I'd give for a two day break. :)

Despite this, I'm still going to take my sister to a water park and hopefully come home looking a little less pale. Though if it rains like it is right now, I might be doomed. There's always Thursday! I get paid next week and I plan on setting aside my pet deposit for my cat so I don't have to delay bringing her with me. Then there's another week of work before my friend/ex-(floormate/neighbor/resident/boss/underling) Genny comes to visit. I haven't seen her in ages and it'll be nice to hang out with a school friend that isn't Aaron (though I love hanging with him!). She's coming on the train, so I'm going to pick her up and I guess I get to play hostess 'til Aaron and Heather get off work. We're going to the Cards/Royals game that night and then out for some partying. I am beyond excited to get to go out and have a nice, normal night with friends. It's so weird working weekends 'cause your social life just goes right down the drain. Anyway, that's my horizon right now. It's the little things, as Genny told me this morning.

Oh, well. Back to my current song obsessions and maybe even some sleep before work again tonight. Toodles.

Songs to consider:

Underclass Hero (Sum 41)
What Do You Want From Me? (Forever The Sickest Kids)
Kids In Love (Red Car Wire)

She sealed my fate with her conniving sugar kissin'

All about the new (to me) music these days. I've spent about $50 on music in the last week and a half and I'm still not satisfied. There's one particular album I still want, but I've got to get around to ordering it off of Amazon since it's an import. Silly Welsh boys being good at that emo-punk-pop thing I like so much. Anyway, all I've been doing aside from sleeping and working is listening to music. And I usually just listen to music while I work and sleep too.

I almost bought the Eclipse soundtrack too. The movies may be pretty terrible and full of clichés, but whoever they have running their music is pretty much amazing. I did get the Muse track though. I always liked Muse, so I like that they contribute to the soundtracks, especially since they receive heavy credit as inspiration for the author getting through the writing of the books. It's a bit ironic considering their name is Muse.

So...the music. In all, I think I made out pretty well, considering the money I spent. It feels good to buy legit music, but mostly I'm just too lazy to find a good site to get it from for free. I mostly stayed around the above mentioned emo-punk-pop genre, cause that's what I've been feeling lately, and I don't have a lot in that department that I haven't had and listened to for a few years now. New artists to my playlist include: Civil Twilight, Danger Is My Middle Name, Forever The Sickest Kids, Red Car Wire, A Rocket To The Moon, School Boy Humor, Stereo Skyline, This Providence and The 22-20s. Returning artists in new song form include: Death Cab For Cutie, Flyleaf, Muse, My American Heart, Secondhand Serenade, Sun 41 and Weezer.

It's not all a mixed up genre mash, but they aren't all so different that you wouldn't ever find them on a playlist together. I also picked up a song from the Bones soundtrack called Bring On The Wonder by Susan Enan and Sarah McLachlan. I just pretty much love all the music from Bones (kind of like I do from the Twilight movies) and I own a lot of it already.

There was one guilty pleasure song too. Ke$ha. Not gonna lie, when I'm driving down the highway and one of her songs comes on the radio, I generally blast it and sing at the top of my lungs while I try not to drive off the road during a mini car-driving dance routine. It's embarrassing, I know, but COME ON!!! You can't say her songs aren't fun. I didn't get Tik Tok as I've heard it about a million times, but I picked up her newest single Your Love Is My Drug. Just as fun, just as shallow and just as singable. I have right to love any music I want, so there.

There's other stuff besides music going on in my life too, but that's pretty much center stage right now. I took my sister out tonight and we got frozen custard (what's the difference between custard and ice cream?) and we went to the park for a while. I'm planning on taking her out to swim next week before she runs off to camp again. She already went to camp once already this summer and she's going again in July, so I've got to squeeze in some sisterly bonding time where I can. It's nice that she lives so close now and that she's old enough to just go hang out with me without her mom freaking out. It's still weird that I'm a big sister. I mean, I've been a big sister for half my life now, but I guess it didn't really hit me until I started taking her out and doing stuff with her. We've already hung out a handful of times in the last six weeks or so, which about equals how many times I've seen her since she was five. So yeah, good times.

Guess that's it for now. Still waiting to hear back about my apartment application that I put in on Monday. If I get the place, I'll  be moving around July 6th. Keep your fingers crossed!

Songs to consider:

Talking Birds (Death Cab For Cutie)
Boys! Grab Your Guns (My American Heart)
Letdown (This Providence)
Your Love Is My Drug (Ke$ha)
Bring On The Wonder (Susan Enan feat. Sarah McLachlan)

Requiescat in Pace Remy LeBeau

My mouse died today. I didn't know it would hit me so hard, but I can't really think of what to say or do. I just thought maybe writing it down would help me feel a little better about it. Her name was Remy (after Gambit from The X-Men) and she was the big sister of the bunch. She was always the biggest and the most skiddish, but she was also the calmest one once you got her in your hand. She was a nervous pooper and the biter of the bunch too, but that just made her that much more the big sister; cowardly, but stubborn too.

It hurts seeing a pet die. And even though I only had her in my life for five of six short months, she was just as important to me as all of my other pets. I loved her and I will miss her and mourn her and I hope very much that she was happy in the end. She was getting skinny and more docile, but I think that she was still happy to be with her sisters in the short time we all had together.

I buried her out front under the shade of a small tree between two flowering bushes. I know it's not much, but it was all I had to give her. She will be missed very much.

Remy LeBeau
January 14, 2010 - June 7, 2010
Beloved sister, pet, companion

Long live me, cause I'll be fine without you

Does anyone remember that old kids show called The Elephant Show? I remember watching it when I was a really little kid and sometimes the song that plays at the end pops into my head. Like it did just now. I didn't know it was a Canadian kids show that ran from 1984-1988 though. It was on Nick, Jr. til like, 1994 or something, so that must be where I remember it from. I loved watching that show and I distinctly remember singing the ending song and doing all the hand motions along with it. Good times. I see kids shows now and think, where has the quality gone? I'm just going to have to track down the shows I watched for my kids or else they won't be watching much of anything at all on TV.

I'll have to find stuff like Clifford and Wishbone, Doug and The Rugrats, Pepper Ann, Recess, Care Bears, Smurfs, etc. I know some of these aren't exactly quality and educational by todays standards, but geez, have you seen some of the crap kids watch now? Maybe I won't even let my kids near a TV. Books and toys and good old-fashioned playing outside.

Speaking of The Smurfs, they're apparently making an animated/live-action movie here soon. I kinda want to see how that turns out. I'm think somewhere along the lines of Enchanted, only they stay cartoon-y looking? No clue.  Anyway, guess there's really not much else to say about that...

In other strange news, I was at the light waiting to enter onto the highway (about an hour and a half ago) when I see a car make a turn onto Barry Road (where I was waiting). It took me a minute to realize that the car had just come from the entrance ramp that I was waiting to turn on to. I don't know how the hell they ended up coming off the ramp the wrong way or if they had been driving down the wrong side of the highway, but I sure am glad they got to exit before anyone tried to enter. I mean, I've accidentally gone down a one-way street the wrong way before, but sometimes those signs are a little nondescript and you can easily miss them if you are distracted. But, a highway? Seriously? You've got to either be REALLY distracted or just really stupid to end up all the way onto the wrong side of the highway.

Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe they were on the ramp, something went wrong and they needed to turn around and get back off immediately. I don't see that being likely, but you never know. Sometimes people make weird decisions when they are stressed or under pressure. I know I do...

Anyway, I guess there's something else that's been kind of bothering me... Last night a co-worker called me three times while I didn't have my phone on me. It's a good thing too, cause I don't have his number and I would have answered and probably would have been guilted into working for him. And I would have kicked myself too. I mean, we all know the rules: If you are sick or otherwise unable to work on a scheduled night, you need to call at least two hours before your shift to let your supervisor know you won't make it in. This guy calls me at 9:45, again at 9:49 and finally at 9:53 before his 10 pm shift was going to start. One, that's not how you do it. Two, it's rude to call and assume someone can cover your shift that late in the night. I wasn't doing anything, but still, I hadn't showered or eaten and it takes about 15 minutes just to drive to work in the first place. Maybe had he called at 8 or before I would have considered, but definitely not at nearly 10 pm. And it just annoys me more cause it's a guy I don't like. And it's not like he's mean or anything, but have you ever just met someone who acted like they owned the world and wanted to make you inferior just because? Well that's this guy. The way he walks and talks and does anything makes you want to slap him silly. And he's also one of those people that always has to be right. Even if you correct him if he's wrong (which he is a good amount of the time), he still stubbornly stands by what he said, making him look like a complete idiot. Dumb.

I've taken this guy's shifts twice now, but he's asked at least a day in advance before. I honestly don't know why he wants a job if he constantly needs to miss work. Which leads me to another issue I have. The people I work with (this guy included) seem to think that their work schedules should revolve around their lives and not the other way around. I mean, when you have a 9-5 job, you don't normally schedule things every other day that will interfere and then expect other people to cover for you, a night job should be no different. Since I started working at the beginning of March, we have had only one person stay on that's been hired since I have. I got hired with two guys and we all still work there. Of the 12 or so people that worked there before me, four still work there now. There are two others that usually work days, but are working nights because we are so short-staffed and one other girl who was supposed to start working this week, but got hurt during her normal day shift and can't start work for a while now. I swear this job is cursed.

But that's even more reason to understand that you need to work when you are scheduled to work. Back to the douche that I don't like. He went to Rockfest a few weeks ago, then he worked the night after but asked if I would take his Monday shift cause he was still tired from the concert. So I took it and didn't care. The next shift I took of his was this last Monday. He said he had plans and would like the day off. So I said okay. That same night he said he didn't feel good and left after about an hour or so. He didn't show the night after, which prompted the boss to call and have someone else come it to cover his shift. Then I had his Monday shift. Then last night (Wednesday) he called looking to be covered again. That's four nights in one week where he couldn't make it to work. In my mind, that's completely unacceptable.

Since I started working, I have specifically requested two weekend nights off, plus the week I went on a cruise. One night I went to a Royals game, one was for my birthday. I even worked three straight nights right after I got home from my cruise even though I had a herniated disc. I worked for several weeks through excruciating pain and still managed to make it every day and on time. Some days I even had to work late. The only unexpected day I took off was when I woke up at 10:15 not feeling very good. I called in and my supervisor told me if I didn't come in I'd have to bring a doctor's note. So I went to the doc the next morning and he diagnosed me with an inflamed colon (which causes shooting pains in your stomach and above you hip). So I actually had a legitimate excuse for missing work and did not try to pawn my shift off on anyone else.

Okay...I've breathed a deeply and now I'm done with my rant. I'm gonna go back to reading a book or watching Charmed. Just think, if I had gone on my spur of the moment drive to Iowa, I wouldn't have written this whole long entry (which took me almost an hour). That being said, I'll shut it now and save your eyes for another day.

Songs to consider:

Sunshine (Kids In Glass Houses)

You're no mystery to me

Talk about luck. Yesterday, while everyone else was out enjoying bbq or beer or, you know...fighting the good fight, I decided I needed new shoes for work. I have a ton of shoes in a wide variety, but none of them seem to keep my feet from feeling like they will fall off after walking around for eight hours. So I departed for my trip in my usual manner: music up, windows down. I was driving up to an outdoor mall area we have up here called Zona Rosa. I figured I'd look at Dick's Sporting Goods for a good pair of walking shoes. So I get about halfway there and I'm at a big split in the highway where one half goes off to Kansas and the other continues north toward the KC airport. The speed limit is 55 but I'll be the first to admit, almost no one ever goes 55 right there. Ever. So I round the corner and sure enough, there is a cop, standing with his door open, radar gun in hand. I watch him as I drive by and he just follows me with both his gaze and his gun. Then he turns around and hops into his car. At this point I was thinking, crap! So I look for the nearest exit, which luckily was literally a few hundred yards ahead, cut across two lanes and exited, all the while watching the cop merge into traffic in my rearview. I didn't bother to wait and see if he got off the highway too, I just booked it down the nearest side street and cruised around with the intention of getting lost for a few minutes.

My heart was beating about a million miles a minute, but after a few dead ends and circles, I got back on the side road being VERY cautious to see if the cop was still stalking around too. No sign of him, so I took the side road all the way up to where I was headed in the first place. Man, am I thanking my lucky stars for that. I know I could have bragging rights for out maneuvering a cop, but really, I'm just glad circumstance was on my side this time.

Anyway, I ended up searching three shoe stores, plus browsing through several more before I ended up with a new pair of shoes. In one of the dressing rooms I was in, there was a wallet laying on the floor. I checked it for ID, but the closest it had were a bunch of business cards for some photographer. It had cash and a bunch of store rewards cards too. I'm thinking it was some kids wallet. I mean, what adult walks around with no ID? Anyway, I returned it and it immediately made me feel like my karma was in balance once more. I escape a ticket and return someone else's lost property; seems like a good trade-off to me.

All in all it worked out well. I got my shoes, I am still ticket free and I ended up getting a little Memorial Day bbq after all (with a quick visit to Aaron and Heather's of course). And now that I've worked the last four nights in a row, driven nearly seven hours roundtrip between two shifts to visit Jacob and gotten new shoes at last, it is time for a relaxing weekend. Well, it's the weekend for me anyway! I'm almost done with season three of Charmed, so that'll be my main activity for the rest of this week until the next bbq I'm going to on Friday, then work all over again.

In slightly odd, but more fun news: It's June! And my cat Patches is busying herself with pouncing on an ear plug. I love my cat.

Songs to consider:

Miss California (Jack's Mannequin)

Protected by the naked eye

So while I slept oh so peacefully yesterday, I received (and subsequently missed) a phone call and text from the guy I worked with that asked me out. He wanted to know if I would like to hang out with him sometime. I am unsure as to whether I should a) ignore him, or b) tell him no. I asked a guy, he said ignore. I asked a girl, she said tell him no. Predicament. I'm inclined to just ignore the message for now and if he calls or texts again, tell him I'm not interested then. The guy I asked said being ignored sends a pretty clear message to most guys, so I'm thinking that is the best thing to do for now. That's really all for that though.

One thing that makes me slightly sad for this upcoming few weeks is that a lot of the musicians I follow on twitter just started on tour. It just means that they are actually sleeping at night and I don't get any fun or interesting tweets to keep me entertained into the wee hours of the morning. Not that I can call that a legitimate complaint, but hey, sometimes work gets boring at four or five in the morning. I should work at a slower pace...

Anyway, nothing new to note today that I didn't say yesterday. I'm still going to the Royals game, where I shall wear my new clothes that I bought yesterday. Hopefully it's a good time. The sun is already out and it's nice and warm, so I'm thinking it just might be. Hey, maybe the Royals will even win. I'm not sure I've ever actually seen them win a game in person...

Also, my curiosity got the better of me this morning at work and as I was leaving I purchased a quart of goat milk. And I have to say, it tastes pretty decent. It's from a local dairy here in KC and it comes in a glass bottle. I just had never tried it before and wanted to know if there was any significant difference in taste. I can tell it tastes different, but not so much that if you were given a blind taste test you would suspect it wasn't milk from a cow. I am amused though, by the phone number for the creamery: 1-877-HUG-A-COW. It made me smile. They have cow milk too, so it makes a little more sense, but still, it kind of reminded me of the Chic-Fil-A cows with their eat more chicken campaign. I'm just easily entertained apparently.

Well, I should probably try and sleep for a while so I can stay awake through the baseball game today. I'm also glad I don't have to work tonight. It was lucky that someone asked to switch with me for his shift last Monday. It's like a real weekend!

Songs to consider:

Butterfly Caught (Massive Attack)
Fame (B.o.B.)

Can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars?

I think this has been one of the least eventful weeks of the last few months. Aside from work and sleep, all I did was watch TV and eat here and there. And I know it sounds gross, but I didn't even leave the house or shower for three days. I mean, why shower for no reason? Admittedly, it does make me feel better, but I didn't feel good, so I mostly just laid down all day and slept. I even lost five pounds from last Wednesday. Probably the lack of eating. Dunno.

Anyway, I missed work last night. I was freaking out at first cause I woke up at 10:15 and was supposed to be at work at 10. I called in and said I didn't feel good (which was true and the reason I overslept) and they said if I didn't come in, I'd need a doctor's note. So I went back to sleep then got up and ran errands this morning. I went and picked up my paycheck, bought Royals tickets, then went shopping. I picked up a couple of new books at Barnes and Noble, then went to The Gap. I love their clothes. I always feel like I should go sailing or something. Clean and simple. That's generally what I like. I tried on a few new things that I don't usually wear and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the size I normally wear was several inches too loose around the middle. I like that, but was sad when some of the stuff I really liked wasn't in my size on the rack. Sigh.

I got a couple of girls rugby polos and a new pair of shorts. I'm working or clearing out some of the boy clothes from my wardrobe. Not that I dislike them, it's just that they are all baggy now and I really don't like looking like a blob in my clothes. I really like the polos I got. Stripes! I went to Victoria's Secret too and picked up some of their Endless Love body spray. That's one of my favorite scents, so I've been distracted all day by my own smell. :)

Well, after I spent too much money, I headed over to the new city employee clinic at the health department. It just opened for city employees and their spouses and dependents a few weeks ago. It's free, the people are nice and it was a lot quicker than going to see my real doctor (who was full up today anyway). Turns out I have a case of colitis. Medicine is in hand, so hopefully my stomach will stop hurting soon. 

Now I'm home and should be sleeping before work tonight by I'm currently distracted by listening to a new CD I just bought on iTunes. It's called The Adventures of Bobby Ray by B.o.B. It's mostly rap-ish, but there is a lot of mashing of genres going on. My favorites so far are the collaborations with Hayley Williams from Paramore and Rivers Cuomo from Weezer. I'm all about mash-ups. Popular, but unique. 

Bed time now. Wish it were really the weekend for me. Though I don't work tomorrow, so that'll be nice. 

Songs to consider:

Airplanes, Part II (B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams and Eminem)

Magic (B.o.B. feat. Rivers Cuomo) 

Goodness knows I saw it coming...

...or at least I'll claim I did.

Looks like I caught a break. I had gone to work tonight resolved to turning this guy down, but he wasn't there. So when my break came, I went and peeked at the schedule and sure enough, he had been crossed off. I investigated further by talking to one of the other guys I work with and he told me that the dude got fired. FIRED! I asked why and he kind of looked at me in disbelief before he realized I hadn't been to work since Monday. Apparently he sucked at his job. My friend said he was a weird guy and that he had hung out with him a few times and knew he was lying about going to the doctor. Then he said he came late and left early from work, visited the bathroom every five minutes and just generally sucked at his job. So...yeah.

I learned some other stuff that was just bad news to me too. He lied to me. Like, he didn't break up with his girlfriend, she broke up with him. I dunno about anyone else, but I think turning around and asking someone out the DAY your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you just does not sound like a good idea at all. Looks like I dodged a bullet there. Barring any phone calls from the guy (sucks he has my number), I don't even have to tell him I'm not interested. Definitely awesome in my book.

Anyway, I worked over an hour extra this morning. I don't even know why, but they asked and I didn't really mind. I was hungry and my feet hurt and I had to pee, but other than those things, I was fine. So I got off work about two hours ago and I figured it would be easier to stay up til ten to get my tickets than to try and wake up after two hours of sleep. But then AFTER I get my tickets (!!!), I'm going to try and sleep a few hours before I go ice skating (yes, in May) with my little sister for her birthday. She called me last night while I was at work asking me to come with her today at two. A little bit of a late notice, but for my baby sister, I can make it work. I am going to take her to a Royals game for a birthday present, but it has to be later in the month when I have money again. And I'm thinking that this summer, I can take her to the new water park we have in Kansas City, Kansas. It's expensive, but hopefully it meets all the hype I've been hearing. We'll see.

Well, I'm very tired and must now focus my energy on waiting for these tickets. Rumor has it that they will sell out in hours. So I'm really hoping I can snag two tickets before they all get away. And apparently my estimate of 40,000 was low. I heard 80,000 yesterday. It's going to be AWESOME!!! :)

Songs to consider:

Sleeping In (The Postal Service)
Chocolate (Snow Patrol)

Broken hearts are here to stay

For some reason, I'm feeling pretty great today. I have no idea why, but since it doesn't often happen that I feel good without provocation, I'm gonna roll with it. So, anyway, I think this good mood has something to do with my resolve on this guy thing. I'm standing by what I said in my last post about not being closed to the idea of dating another guy, but I'm pretty darned sure I don't want to date this one. I require balance and since I'm not ray of sunshine, I definitely don't need a black hole pulling be down. So there. I just gotta let the guy down gently. It's liberating knowing that I have the choice to make though. Maybe that's why I'm in a good mood. Heh, that sort of makes me sound like I'm going to get pleasure from hurting the guy, but I'm not a sociopath, I swear!

So I really, really want to go sailing sometime. I don't know how or where or when, but I want to. I'm wearing these pajama pants that I bought at The Gap that have sailboats all over them and it really makes me want to get out on the ocean on a brilliantly sunny day and sail. Or watch someone else do the sailing while I enjoy the breeze. It sounds so freeing. It also makes me want to go to Boston. I usually don't work after Monday mornings til Friday nights, so maybe I can get a flight out this summer and spend a few days being touristy. It sounds pretty awesome.

Speaking of the summer, my mom has committed to buying me a pair of tickets to see Manchester United play the Wizards at Arrowhead this summer! I am really excited about that. 40,000 screaming soccer fans watching their hometown team play one of the best teams in the world? Hell. Yes.

I'm real chatty today, but I don't have a reason why. Maybe I'm just starting to feel the excitement of summer. I know it's not the same as a summer away from school, but the weather is still nice and the whole idea of moving out and having my own life again and doing stuff with my friends is just... exhilarating. I might even go up to Chicago in August with friends I definitely haven't seen in a really long time. That would make me very happy indeed.

Songs to consider:

Broken Hearts (Greyson Chance)