I keep wondering why, this time, I don't care. Is it because there's nothing to care for? Or am I denying so thoroughly all the things I'll miss that I just haven't allowed myself to care? When one day melts into the next it's difficult to understand individual feelings and emotions. Everything just blurs together so eventually you can't tell dream from reality. I feel like my glare could burn a whole right through the screen. I feel like telling myself to lighten up, but it's sometimes too difficult. I end up laughing at myself anyway. Something about being too serious seems a little ridiculous to me. Always so serious. Maybe that's why I'm such a terrible actor...I can't even grasp how to be myself, let alone how to invent a whole new me for others to see. Heh.
I'm going to have to take my journal home with me over break. I frankly don't know how long I'll be isolated, but maybe it'll be good for me. It's funny to think that I'll have to write something that won't be here, exposed for all to see. I think that exposing the blaring fragility of my mind helps me cope. Cope with what, I couldn't even put that into words. Though maybe if I share a few of my current obsessions, it might help you, the reader, to understand; maybe more than I can.
Current favorite songs:
Clair de Lune (Debussy)
Rearranged (Limp Bizkit)
The Cure For Pain (Jon Foreman)
My Blue Heaven (Taking Back Sunday)
Current favorite films:
Fierce People
Seven Pounds
In The Land Of Women
Current books I'm reading:
Ticket To Ride (Dennis Potter)
Eldest (Christopher Paolini)
Other currents:
Mood - Uneasy, pensive
Favorite genre - Indie
Favorite activity - Dreaming, showering
Least favorite things - Lack of music, ice, too much heat
Maybe these things could help you all figure me out a little right now. It's not much to go on, but more than I think I usually give.
Songs to consider:
Lille (Lisa Hannigan)
We've Got Company (Civalias)
OK (Holly Conlan)
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