Lipstick has a way of leaving more than just a mark on my sheets

So sporadic readers of my blog, I have been invited to contribute to a new blog here on blogger. The concept is to throw out all sorts of ideas and thoughts that one would not normally post about. Here I usually share an internal dialogue of sorts so I will do my best to keep the two blogs separate and use the other blog as a sounding board for my other favorite topics of discussion that I reserve for IRL conversations. The two might intersect here and there, but I will do my best to keep the sharing of topics to a minimum. Now that I've plugged my other blog ---> The Ideoteria (and added it to the feed on your left), I will move on to another topic for tonight.

I mentioned before how I was pretty sure I wasn't going to graduate this semester. I am now absolutely positive I won't. I did my few minutes of whimpering and kicking myself for letting it get this far, but in all reality, I don't mind not getting that diploma on May 16th. I mean, yes, I want it, and yes, I want it bad, but it doesn't have to be in two weeks. I will not be returning to Rolla anytime soon and can finish my degree on my own time in the location of my choice. I really just want to have that break I mention from time to time. I really do think I deserve it and that's just what I want for now. I will take the summer to collect my thoughts, let my creative juices churn for a while and settle into a routine. I want that leave at 7, home at 4, dinner at 5 routine that I have lacked since childhood and if I don't like it, then I can change it. I've got hope for my future and that's all I feel I need right now.

I'm not trying to justify not finishing my degree (it will be completed), but I'm just saying that mentally, I need a break. School is very fractured to me in that sense. You don't have a defined life. You are in this bubble called college where you are largely unaffected by the outside world. Take for instance this economic slump we are in. I don't own a car, I don't pay rent, I pay few taxes cause I don't make that much money. I am largely supported by money the government has already given me. I can go days, weeks really, without catching up on current events, without realizing the prices of things I don't buy have changed and without feeling any sort of effect whatsoever from the economic downturn.

I also lack a work/home changeover. I go to class minutes walking distance from where I sleep and eat and I participate in organizations that keep me occupied late nights and weekends. I have homework. I have a job that largely involves me sitting at a computer, also minutes or less from where I live and either doing homework (or as I'm doing right now) spending time online in an effort to share myself (in a non-slut sounding kind of way) with the world outside of my little college bubble.

All of this (six years and counting) has gotten me to the point that I want to test the adult world waters, so to speak. I want to get up and shower and eat and go off to a job that remains at the location I go to. I don't want to get home and worry over homework or extracurricular activities or that part time job or that test next Monday. I want to worry about laundry and dinner and how clean my house is and when the bills need to be paid. I want to sit in front of a TV while NOT sitting on my bed and eat dinner at a real table. I want to shower in a bathroom that isn't shared with thirty other girls. I want to be able to clean my home with cleaners I approve of and on days when I find it to be most convenient to clean. I don't want to pay 10 cents every time I have to lug a vacuum from a different building to clean my 20 square feet of carpet.

Is that really so much to ask for? I say no, it's not. All this is possible to me. And it could be possible soon. I just need to gather the willpower to move on and away from my current surroundings.

With that, I think I'll leave it here for now. I know I've been absent of late, but I will make it up to you all and post more like I used to. Thanks for getting this far if you did. Til another day...

Songs to consider:

The Girl's A Straight Up Hustler (All Time Low)
Pavlove (Fall Out Boy) <--- Bonus song off of Folie a Deux