It is so easy to be caught up in the whirlwind of feelings that seem to surround your life in college. Never before did I constantly dwell on friendships and people and interactions. But it's all consuming to me now. I even dream about my thoughts. I feel like this is somewhere in the middle of a sophomore slump and a bad case of senioritis. It's when you realize that nothing is new anymore, but you can't help but feel attached to your surroundings, and on top of that, still have a huge desire to just run away and finally start your life. I feel all of that. I don't want to leave, but I still feel trapped. And it's not so much the place as the people. I can't seem to get my act together, but the very people I want to run away from are the only one's keeping me here. It's like being mentally drawn and quartered. My brain feels wrung out. So here's the scoop:
I like three guys (I must be desperate, right?)
BUT...
One is in a position where it would be inappropriate to pursue a relationship (and also has a girlfriend)
One is available but currently smitten with one of my best friends
And last but not least,
One is gay, but adorably available.
None of that actually works for me at all.
So I must admit defeat once more and swim back out to sea. Beyond all of that, it seems that fronting five organizations will stretch a girl a little too far. I'm doing okay for now, but soon I am bound to snap. Add my classes and work on top plus upcoming conferences and doctor's appointments four hours away every three to six weeks and I just don't have enough time in the day to breathe. I love my life. I only wish I had someone that I could rely on for emotional stability and support. If I had that I wouldn't feel like I was running through the infinite abyss all alone. I just can't catch up to myself alone.
Songs to consider:
Ohio is for Lovers (Hawthorne Heights)
The Taste of Ink (The Used)
Crawling (Linkin Park)
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