The worst part is there's no one else to blame

I always speak too soon. Today started out shitty, and if I don't sleep soon, I fear it'll end that way too. I woke up, found out that I'm being blamed for a car accident that was in no way my fault, cried, tried to watch a movie cause the internet went out...again, and then slept for a few more hours. After that it was tv time. Nothing like over 4 hours of the Olympics. It wasn't bad, and I supplemented the tv time with reading about all the people and countries, but sometimes...sigh. I don't know.

So the day overall wasn't bad, but I truly despise people who take advantage of being assholes. I really do. It lowers my faith in humanity overall. No wonder it's so hard to trust anyone. With my track record, it's a wonder I give people a chance at all. It's really pessimistic of me to think this way, but come on, no one has given me a reason to think otherwise. Not recently. Not in the last 4 months or 5 or 6 or however long it's been since I've felt like things were okay. Too long in my opinion.

I try to remember that things will get better. I try and I try and I try. But I have this sinking feeling that things will only get better once I make them better. And right now, I have no idea how to even start trying to do that. Something good needs to happen. And not to other people, but to me. I'm going to be selfish here and say I deserve something good in my life. And I do. Cause I have nothing I can look at right now and be proud of. I just need that motivation I was talking about before. But I just don't know where I'm going to get it from. I just don't know.

Songs to consider:

Breathe Me (Sia)

Both Sides Now (Joni Mitchell)

Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley a la Leonard Cohen)

These are all previous songs, but they are the ones I need, so these are the ones I urge you to consider.