Shit! Nothing makes sense!

Sometimes I find myself walking around at work or while grocery shopping (there's a fine line between the two) singing the same song over and over in my head. Recently it's been a variety of Say Anything songs. Now for instance, it's The Futile. Good song, irritating to sing over and over. :)

I worked two nights in a row (hard labor), then felt as if the sleep after made me feel worse than the actual work. I woke up after seven last night, then fought as hard as I could to stay awake til now. I could have slept I suppose, but I just feel gross if I sleep for 12 hours or more. And I needed to sleep til 4 so I can work tonight and not feel exhausted. It's unnatural I tell ya; sleeping all day.

I fought so hard that now I don't feel tired enough to sleep really. Terrible way to feel. Blah. But, it'll be okay. I'll sleep anyway, then I'll get up and shower and go eat and see a movie and go to work and everything will work itself out. That's the plan anyway.

I keep thinking about stuff that I don't want to think about. Dwelling would be more accurate. I told myself that it doesn't help to feel sorry for myself, but I find myself having to do a lot more reminding of that than I should. No matter though. It's just how things are going to be for a while. It's better than it used to be. I don't really cry or sit here and sulk. I just...breathe deeply and push any bad thoughts to the side. I feel them there, but ignore them to the best of my ability anyway. It's getting easier to do, fortunately.

I'm rambling now. About the same things as usual. I can't wait to go on vacation. The sunshine alone will probably do wonders on my temperament and overall outlook on things. Not to mention the sheer distance from this place. I don't find it a miserable place to be, but it's easy to dwell on miserable things here. I need to move. Start over, get a change of scenery. Too bad I have a job now that I feel obligated to. I can change locations though, so if I ever felt compelled, I could go work in any of another 8 states. Probably won't though. Just remembering this is a transitional stage of my life. Sometimes it's gonna suck. But for now, I don't have to make it that way. Just gotta get up everyday and look at it as another day closer to happiness and another day further away from sadness. Constant flux.

It's time for me to get ready for bed though, as odd as that sounds. I want a good 8 hours.

Songs to consider:

The Futile (Say Anything)