I'm finding myself with ample time to share my thoughts as I can't sleep at the moment. I've got a test at 9 and I don't know if it's indifference or anxiety that's keeping me awake this particular night. I guess I've been a little preoccupied lately but the last week or so I've been sleeping pretty well. It's been nice. But now, now I'm thinking about things. I've got this song that makes me sad stuck in my head. And all at once I feel happy and alone. I don't know what it is. Since I've been ahead in most everything, I haven't really felt stressed about life, but there's some sort of nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I guess it's things like, Lance is coming to Rolla, but I probably won't even see him, let alone hang out with him. Add that to not having hung out with Aaron is a LONG time and thinking about what's supposed to happen after the conference is over and what I'm going to do when I finally go home. It's all little stuff, but it's all in a little cramped box in my head and I can't keep it closed lately.
I find myself staring in the mirror a lot lately. Not in a narcissistic way, but just looking at myself and trying to imagine what I'll be like in a year. I want to get out there and explore the world, but that means I won't be here anymore. And I wonder what I'll look like. Will I have that same bright-eyed but weary look about me? Will the worry lines disappear? Will I smile more? I don't know. It's complex and I don't completely understand why I'm even thinking about it, but it's there and there's not much I can do about it now.
I'm wondering if it's all in fates hands now.
The best gift I could think to give to you was to set you free - Senses Fail
I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up - Brand New
Songs to consider:
Jesus Christ (Brand New)
Four Years (Senses Fail)
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